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Tony Audin


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Truth is not the answer to a well-thought out question.
Truth is a living moment, a reality present beyond the imagination.

I've searched for God my whole life. 
But only when Love turned me inside out did I realize...

It is not a thing to be described, 
it is a presence to be felt inside.

Three years ago I asked to know God, Love, Self.
Not in my head but to live it for real in the end.
Life tore me apart, broke my heart,
it was to show me what was inside from the start.
A wound, a darkness so vast it consumed me,
I had no idea this too was a part of me.

The fear, the stress, the hopelessness. It led me to a medical crisis.
Acute brain inflammation, every doctor a different diagnosis;
bipolar, general anxiety, panic attack disorder, 
as well as many others. 
I stopped sleeping, my brain would go into seizures,
I stopped seeing, hearing, couldn't handle any stimulus—
moving objects, screens, sounds would  trigger my whole body into a nervous crisis.

When my brain gave out, reality was blinking in and out.
I was put on benzos, antidepressants, epilepsy medication.
Months went by, no-one knew if I would recover.
I laid for months next to a river.
Walking on rocks made me feel better.
And a year later, I began to put things back together

I fixed my truck, this fixed something deeper.
I published my book, this integrated the lessons farther.

I know the weight of things.
I want to be lighter.
So it's me, my truck, my dog, and my quiver. 
And the search for truth and freedom— 
more real now than ever.

I can't rebuild the same world that put me under.
Yes, I'm old. But life is forever.
So I'm going to live in accordance with my soul. 
And I'll spread the love wherever I go,
because I know this is all that matters.

To this new chapter, I surrender.

I hope to share, give, and serve, 
and gratefully receive what is offered in return.
I know what it's like to be under, now I'm able 
to hold my hand out to the other.

May we all find our way home

—Tony Audin

LOST & FOUND

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Lost & Found

You can read every book about light, but it takes a dark night to develop sight.

Lost and Found is a collection of 197 poems written between agony and ecstasy during a profound soul's journey towards God, Love, Life, and Self. They chronicle a deep esoteric passage from awakening to wholeness—between light and dark, knowing and unknowing... from surface tensions to the depths of the being, from the self that is seeking to the self that has always been.

The Journey Unfolds in Six Books:

Book I: Awakening – The world suddenly comes alive. "Life is not a thing to be described, but a presence to be felt inside."

Book II: Ecstasy & Longing – As the heart opens, the longing begins. The soul searches for what it has found but cannot name. "The journey of a broken heart, longing for something that will never fall apart."

Book III: I Am – The separate self begins to dissolve while a mysterious presence emerges. The illusion of separation fades and something vast peers through the veil. “I Am”–a bridge between identity and eternity.

Book IV: The Path of Love – The real work begins - learning to surrender, to trust, to dance with the divine. Love reveals itself as both the path, the destination, and the ride.

Book V: The Dark Night – Love plunges into shadow. Descending into chambers within chambers where snakes, demons, abandoned children... eons of pain... A thousand deaths, and what remains?

Book VI: Shadows Move With Such Grace – What seemed shattered moves towards a greater whole. A missing piece returns home and who would have known... even the shadows celebrate the return of the soul.



Presented in the exact order in which they were written during a spiritual crisis / opening, these poems are raw, unpolished, and real. They offer profound insights, teachings, and firsthand experiences from someone in the midst of transformation—not looking back with wisdom, but living it in real time.

Many will recognise themselves in these pages. If you've ever felt the call to wake up, if you're in the midst of your own dark night wondering if morning will ever come, if you've ever felt lost and full of doubt, may you find in these pages a few drops of light.


It takes a dark night to make a sunrise.
And the seed cracking is a good sign.
Make sure your leaves face the sunshine.
A new life is now.


- Tony Audin
@My_Public_Side


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Spanish release March 2026.

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